just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm both gender and math confused
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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