I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize