Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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