all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
