I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
