Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize