you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
