May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
