no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
