the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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