I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
