Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
