what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Randomize
