I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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