You made me cry and you don't even care
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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