are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You smell like a Billy Joel song
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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