Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just high enough for therapy.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
