She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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