I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
