I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
