woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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