32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Randomize
