Im at strip club and am horny
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
