I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Hippo gnu deer
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
