Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
