Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
