whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
