You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
