the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
