There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im holly from the hills drunk
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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