Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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