today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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