Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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