Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
