After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
