Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
