I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
And then he peed in my hair
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