shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize