i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
