you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
