TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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