Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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