At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
