She just used a chaser for red wine.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
