a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
