so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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