You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
