just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
