he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
