he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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