No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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