I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize