exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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