i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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