i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
