Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
