Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
