So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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