Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
