Please, let me fuck your mom
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
