I wish I could punch you in the face.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My dick has a subreddit
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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