I just saw a hot homeless man
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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