I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
