the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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