i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
