What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
