I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
