I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
