Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
